Life or Love?

This one is for all the skeptics out there. 

I have been met with some criticism for wanting to explore the world while my husband-to-be pursues his Masters degree here in Reno. The array of opinions ranges from envy to incredible support to being told "well then you just shouldn't be getting married." It has made me realize that everyone has a different opinion of what love, and ultimately marriage, should be. 

What is love to you? 
For some it is butterflies and giggles. That head over heels, heart pounding love that comes during the first stage of a relationship. For others, it is all about family; a tired toddler and a shared bank account.
For most, however, it is not about growing as an individual or pursuing your personal life goals. This is our number one mistake in the game of love. Since when did relationships require the death of your dreams?

All too often relationships kill individuality as two separates become a whole. While this is not always a bad thing, it can lead to stagnancy and ultimately undermine the relationship. If you and you partner constantly sacrifice doing the things you love, how can you expect to be happy with each other? A partner should be supportive of your plans rather than demanding forced time together. 

"The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is that as you change to be closer to the person you love, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place." - Mark Manson (http://markmanson.net/6-healthy-habits)

Spending every moment of free time together starts to become an obligation, rather than a choice. When we want to pursue our own goals (separate from those in our relationship) we are dubbed as being selfish. Phrases like "you can't do that" and "how can you leave your husband behind" crop up making us feel guilty about exploring the possibilities presented to us. There is nothing shameful about following your heart, even if it takes you away from the one you love the most. Where is it written that travelers don't deserve to be married?

Vagabonds need love too.

Love should not be about throwing away your life, it should be about making your life move in perfect synchronicity with the person who understands you better than anyone else. I am extremely fortunate to have found someone who not only understands me, but also fully supports me. He knows that I am not abandoning him for my dreams, but he also knows that I am not willing to abandon my dreams for him (or anyone else). He loves me for the person I am, not the person he wants me to be. Personally, this is the only way I can imagine my marriage working. 

So to all the skeptics out there: I hear you, I understand where you are coming from, and I value your opinions. However, this is my life and my life only. We only have one life and some of us are not willing to waste it living by the restraints of someone else's ideals. 

If you had to choose between life and love, what would you choose? 
Me? I choose both. 

The Beginning of the End

Life. 
What a wild ride it can be. 

One moment we are shrieking children without a worry in the world. The next moment we are angst riddled teens who can't wait to grow out of our braces. From there we turn into young adults who know how to get through college without opening our $600 textbooks. All the while we are waiting, sometimes without even realizing it, to become adults. 

Then we "grow up". Or at least we are expected to. The ever sought after "adulthood" somehow doesn't seem as glamorous as we thought it to be. 

Wake up. Work out. Go to work. Go home. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

When did monotony become the norm? What happened to hopes and dreams? I can't ever remember thinking "I want to have a desk job when I grow up". But yet here we find ourselves. Slaves to our student loan debt that makes reaching for the stars seem impossible. I, for one, have had enough of this game. It's as if I am running on a hamster wheel trying to reach for a paycheck that goes to pay for a degree that I will most likely never put to a practical use. 

Enough is enough.

If you knew that today was the last day that you had to live, would you be content in your everyday routine? How many days has it been since you last thought "this is exactly where I want to be"? 

We live in a world that is governed by fear of failure disguised as responsibility; don't quit your job that you hate, don't leave your hometown that is smothering you, don't grow into the person you want to be. We are expected to work ourselves to death, and for what? 

"Death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away...Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." Steve Jobs

It is time for a change. Taking the first step is terrifying. 

After walking on solid ground for the past 15 months I am starting to notice potholes in my commute. The road is starting to deteriorate and it is only a matter of time before my foot doesn't come down on the earth at all, but slips into the void of uncertainty. This free fall from stability has the power to create personal freedom disguised as irresponsibility.

This could be the beginning of the end. It could also be the end of the beginning. Either way, change is coming and I have never felt so calm.  

Life.

You only have the one, what are you going to do with it?